Nubien Momma to the Jailhouse Rescue

Here is "My Nubien Momma's" response to my letter:

Dear Misse, I dont have much time because the eagle has landed. I am glad that you wrote me because I was worried. Your sister "Shug" told me she saw you and youre doing fine. I am sorry about your Nilla Wafers. I will put a hit on her 1st thing in the morning. I couldnt find any bigger paper (return letter was written on a piece of scrap paper? so I cant write much. Be careful picking up your soap bar cause bitches are waiting for you to bend over. I have sent you some necessities to help you get thru your time.
                                                                        "Take Care" Your Nubien Momma

Enclosed was a goodie bag with the following items inside:
1.) Bag of fruit loops:cuz everyone is special
2.) 1/2 piece of bread: Momma had to give the other half to your sister
3.) Granola Bar: laced with the ability to puff puff give give
4.) Packet of Soy Sauce: make special won ton soup
5.) Pepto Pill: for those upset poopie days
6.) Fortune cookie: might have a "Get outta Jail free card" inside (PRAY HARD)
7.) Benadryl Pill: open pill and sniff sniff sniff, yeah boy ha ha!
8.) Ear Plug: to block out all the shit talkers
9.) AA Battery: just to keep your "bullet toy" happy
10.) Cotton Ball: some kinda ball is better than none
11.) Q-tips: use as antennas to pick up signals from me on how to escape

Only "My Nubien Momma" would be so thoughful.....HOLLA!