Failed Execution

When you live in the county and your activities are limited and friends are sparse you pretty much depend on your parents providing you with a Nintendo or by default siblings. Since my Dad and Mom were thrifty parents who loved to coin the phrase "we don't like to buy anything the year it comes out just in case the company is working the bugs out" and with my luck of course that meant I never recieved the blasted NES game system I so desperately wanted for christmas and asked for 5 holidays in a row til it was old news and all the other kids had already defeated Koopa and saved the Princess no I got Amy my sister. So that meant I either have to come up with creative forms of entertainment which usually would end in a whoopin or do what most redneck little girls from the county did during the summer season cut the grass. Now we werent like ya'll little city girls who got this nice box sized yard of grass infront of your house edged with sidewalk or flowerbeds if you were lucky we had country yards you know like football fields only not as green and no white lines to remind you whose yard to stay out of. On this particular Saturday afternoon I begged to be allowed to mow the lawn I wanted so bad to be able to drive the riding lawnmower. However like a drunk with one too many DUI's I was suspended from driving a lawnmower. I was suspended because I took out one too many of the nice flowers not the "inexpensive flowers" you know the yellow dandelions that my Nanny called the ones you didn't have to buy and plant yourself and as I later learned were weeds (I saw that on a Weedkiller commercial) I asked Papaw and he had confirmed that in fact dandelions were weeds and Nanny wouldn't know the difference from a weed or a bright red tulip. This would also explain why Papaw on several occasions got pissed off and mowed down Nanny's flowerbeds. So as I was saying I begged nagged pleaded to use the riding lawnmower Dad refused. He did finally give in and said "Sure you can use the riding lawnmower let your sister drive it since you've taken out one too many porch rail....YES! I DID HIT THE DAMN PORCH RAIL AND ALMOST DRAGGED DOWN THE TRAILER DOWN WITH IT once okay maybe twice but no one saw that other time I was trying to change my cassette tape over WHAM side 1 was getting boring! For God's sakes I was trying to cut down on my Dad's weedeating its hard to get close to the porch on that damn frankenstein riding lawnmower freakin refurbished and surgically reconstructed out of duct tape by Papaw and would it have killed somebody to purchase one with a more comfortable seat those dryrotted tears hurt like a bitch when you have on cutoffs  Geez! Anyways Amy was driving I was riding shotgun in the bitchseat and trust me I wasn't appreciating that at all. So Amy mowing all over the place all organized and not in the highest speed gear she could put it in damn Grandma driver if the thing had had a blinker Im sure she would have left that on for about two acres! As we were finishing up she decides that she's gotta get the edge along the field behind the trailer and she decides to take a short cut right under the clothesline. She continues on her pace and me who I would like to advise now (should have had parents that may have found it useful to put me on ADHD medication HELLO!) was in LaLa land as she goes under the line she doesn't even say duck or anything I get clotheslined literally. My head hit the first Green Metal clothesline doinnngg! then the next and I'm caught between the two as she's continuing to drive not noticing the fact I'm being hung I flail about trying to save my own life. I'm thinking damn I'm being hung out to dry and I'm not even going to make it to double digits. Amy can't hear me yelling due to the lawnmower and her intense need to complete tasks hence the reason she's the smart organized and well functioning adult that I'm not. Finally just before the feeling of unconsciousness occurred Dad comes running yelling for Amy to cut the engine and yes apparently fuel costs were also more important in this instance rather than the fact that my neck is now going to be abnormal looking like the rest of abnormal possibly retarded giraffe looking body was. Dad gets me down and I'm glad and now more motivated than ever to get some things marked off my "country bucket list" for instance if I hadn't escaped that damn failed attempt "accident" of an execution I would never gotten to see my name up in lights you know no Pungo boy would ever get to spray paint my name up on the light pole under the baseball field lights at Campbells Landing ballfield after falling madly in love with me for giving it up early out of boredom WHAT ?? did you think I meant Broadway! Sha! Hardly. Also if anyone's wondering if Amy was still allowed to operate heavy machinery for this industrial "accident" why of course she was cause it doesn't matter if ya lose one child as long as you still have a spare besides trailers lose their resale value if you don't have a porch.